Ask trustworthy family and friends what they like/admire about you.

If I asked you how many positive traits you possessed I wonder how many you could name?  If I asked you how many negative traits you possessed I wonder how many you could name? It’s interesting that most people are able to name more negative than positive traits until suggestions of positive traits are prompted to them.

It is amazing that just by talking to clients for 30 minutes or more I can pick out a number of positive traits, even though they are only talking about the negative.  I work on the premise that for every negative there is a positive.  An example would be a client that states they are stubborn; if you turn that around I would translate it as being determined!

I, more often than not, give clients a list of positive traits and ask them to show it to a trusted friend or family member and get them to high-light the traits they believe the client possesses.  When they bring it to our next meeting they always state how surprised they are at what others think of them. This list needs to be put somewhere the client can see it regularly.

Something else I suggest is looking in the mirror each morning and saying “I am xxxxx” (competent; understanding; determined)

Self-love is an inside job to increase self-esteem

Whereas, you could say that confidence is an outside job (your face to the world).  Self-esteem is an inside job (how you think about yourself).  A lot of people use their position as proof of their self-worth.  Their job, position, their family (I am Mum, Wife), their hobby, (runner, gym bunny) and so on.  Acknowledgement is a great thing.  It doesn’t need to be validated by others though.  If you truly believe in yourself and that you are doing the best “job” you can, then what others think is of less importance.  Just practice closing your eyes and using your imagination to imagine or sense yourself being the very best version of yourself.  How does that feel?  Did you know that the brain cannot differenciate between something real and something vividly imagined.  So go on use your imagination to feel an increase in your own self-worth.  That really is an inside job.

Manage unhelpful thinking to increase self-esteem

Negative people, more often than not, are inward, rather than, outward looking.  They may compare themselves negatively with others.  Be very critical of themselves. Mind read what others are thinking (negatively) about them.  Even blow things up out of all proportion.

People with low self-worth very often think about things that have happened in the past; or imagine and catastrophise about what may happen in the future.

Mindfulness is a great tool to enable you to let go of anything negative from the past or stop ruminating over things that may happen in the future.  What if they don’t?  Mindfulness is about living firmly in the here and now and enjoying every moment.  It’s all about sensing rather than thinking.

Self-esteem gets a huge boost from helping others.  Why not put your energy into something dear to your heart.  Volunteering with the young or old or at an animal sanctuary? Or do something you have always been passionate about, be it sport, or art or crafts; history, geography; other countries.  Find out about it, and just do it.

Increase your belief in you by being kind to yourself

What kind of voice do you speak to yourself in?  Is it harsh and critical, or soft and motivating?  Are you using a lot of “should and must” statements. For example “I should meet my friends”, “I should go to the gym” and so on.  Your mind will thank you for being kinder to yourself.  Instead of these should and must statements try this:

“I want to meet my friends because I want them to know how much they mean to me”

“I want to go to the gym because I will feel happier and fitter”.

So using want and because words rather than

We are born somewhat small and vulnerable without any impression of who we are.  When we are loved, nurtured and kept safe throughout our childhood (and sometimes teenage years and adulthood) then we blossom and bloom with a real sense of our own worth and a great deal of self-believe However, if we are bullied, abused, critized and never shown love or affection then we lose sight of our own worth and may compare ourselves negatively to others.

This may result in our not believing we are worth-while or good enough and that we don’t deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. That may go so deep within us that it becomes a core belief.

I have many people coming to see me that lack self-belief.  Mostly, they appear, and their friends and colleagues also believe it, confident.  There is a huge different between outward confidence which we can all learn and inner low self-esteem which is more difficult  to overcome.  However, with help it is entirely possible to challenge these negative self-beliefs and  make way for higher self-esteem and a positive self-image to form.

Below are a few ideas to help you to believe in  yourself more positively:

Keep a negativity diary

It may seem like a strange thing to do to be writing down our negative thoughts.  However, if you make a note of each belittling thought, we may be able to identify the triggers that lead to it.

Twang the elastic band

When you become aware of your habitual use of negative thoughts/words; such as “I am going to lose my job because of my mistake”, even though you have been praised many times for doing a great job; then twang the elastic band and then replace that negativity with positivity. For instance, you may think “everyone makes mistakes now and again but it is not going to define the excellent job I am doing the majority of the time”.  Twanging the elastic  band can shock you in halting the negative thought before you whirl even further into negative thought patterns, and also restore your equilibrium.


Ask trustworthy family and friends what they like/admire about you.

If I asked you how many positive traits you possessed I wonder how many you could name?  If I asked you how many negative traits you possessed I wonder how many you could name? It’s interesting that most people are able to name more negative than positive traits until suggestions of positive traits are prompted to them.

It is amazing that just by talking to clients for 30 minutes or more I can pick out a number of positive traits, even though they are only talking about the negative.  I work on the premise that for every negative there is a positive.  An example would be a client that states they are stubborn; if you turn that around I would translate it as being determined!

I, more often than not, give clients a list of positive traits and ask them to show it to a trusted friend or family member and get them to high-light the traits they believe the client possesses.  When they bring it to our next meeting they always state how surprised they are at what others think of them. This list needs to be put somewhere the client can see it regularly.

Something else I suggest is looking in the mirror each morning and saying “I am xxxxx” (competent; understanding; determined)

Self-love is an inside job

Whereas, you could say that confidence is an outside job (your face to the world).  Self-esteem is an inside job (how you think about yourself).  A lot of people use their position as proof of their self-worth.  Their job, position, their family (I am Mum, Wife), their hobby, (runner, gym bunny) and so on.  Acknowledgement is a great thing.  It doesn’t need to be validated by others though.  If you truly believe in yourself and that you are doing the best “job” you can, then what others think is of less importance.  Just practice closing your eyes and using your imagination to imagine or sense yourself being the very best version of yourself.  How does that feel?  Did you know that the brain cannot differenciate between something real and something vividly imagined.  So go on use your imagination to feel an increase in your own self-worth.  That really is an inside job.

Manage unhelpful thinking to increase your self-esteem

Negative people, more often than not, are inward, rather than, outward looking.  They may compare themselves negatively with others.  Be very critical of themselves. Mind read what others are thinking (negatively) about them.  Even blow things up out of all proportion.

People with low self-worth very often think about things that have happened in the past; or imagine and catastrophise about what may happen in the future.

Mindfulness is a great tool to enable you to let go of anything negative from the past or stop ruminating over things that may happen in the future.  What if they don’t?  Mindfulness is about living firmly in the here and now and enjoying every moment.  It’s all about sensing rather than thinking.

Self-esteem gets a huge boost from helping others.  Why not put your energy into something dear to your heart.  Volunteering with the young or old or at an animal sanctuary? Or do something you have always been passionate about, be it sport, or art or crafts; history, geography; other countries.  Find out about it, and just do it.

Increase your belief in you by being kind to yourself

What kind of voice do you speak to yourself in?  Is it harsh and critical, or soft and motivating?  Are you using a lot of “should and must” statements. For example “I should meet my friends”, “I should go to the gym” and so on.  Your mind will thank you for being kinder to yourself.  Instead of these should and must statements try this:

“I want to meet my friends because I want them to know how much they mean to me”

“I want to go to the gym because I will feel happier and fitter”.

So using want and because words rather than