ASSERTIVENESS

Assertiveness

Acting assertively is a communication style. Acting assertively is being able to express your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions in an open balanced manner that doesn’t violate the rights of others.

Other communication styles you may have heard of include being aggressive, which is a style that violates the rights of others, and being passive where we violate our own rights. You have probably also heard of passive-aggressive. This is where someone is essentially being aggressive but in a passive or indirect way. For example, someone may be angry but they don’t act in an overtly aggressive way, instead they may sulk or slam a door.

In a nutshell being passive may be interpreted as giving others priority over your rights; being aggressive may be interpreted as giving yourself priority over others; whereas acting assertively respects your own needs as well as others.

Many people mistake acting assertively for aggression as both states involve stating your needs. The difference is marked by the words used, the tone taken and the body language exemplified.

Acting assertively does not mean that you always get what you want. Acting assertively is about expressing yourself in a way that respects both your needs and the needs of others. Sometimes this means you get what you want, sometimes you won’t get what you want, and sometimes you will come to a mutually satisfactory compromise.

Of course we are all human and sometimes we may make a decision not to act assertively. Sometimes we may be passive because we simply cannot be bothered and would rather keep the peace; deciding to tackle a difficult situation at a more appropriate time. Sometimes we may be passive-aggressive and slam a door just because it will make us feel better; and sometimes we may shout because we really do want to get our own way, but being violently aggressive is never acceptable. Learning to act assertively through hypnosis is about providing yourself with a choice!

Saying no assertively

Many people find it difficult to say no to requests, even if they don’t want to do something or it will cause them inconvenience. So how can you say no graciously and assertively?

Through the use of Cognitive Hyr asking – but I cannot help this time’ assertively. Keep repeating these exact words assertively if necessarily whilst staying calm and confidence and end with positive words such as “good luck. You may feel that if you say no it will disappoint others but that’s their issue on the whole and your responsibility is to look after yourself by acting assertively.

Practise saying, ‘No’ assertively in front of a mirror in a clear, even tone and not smiling. Don’t fidget, look down or give someone the impression that you’re a pushover or that they can make you feel guilty.

If you need help to act more assertively a course of cognitive behavioural therapy combined with hypnosis is likely to help you become adept at communicating assertively with others.

To arrange a free consultation to discuss how you may act more assertively please call 01908 265410.*